Dear Matt: I Miss You

Sunday. A day that use to feel so simple but now has so much mixed emotion for me. Maybe it's Sunday Funday where you hangout with friends, or maybe it's the day that you get ready for the rest of the week. For me, they have always meant that I would have a Sunday date phone call with my best guy friend, Matt. I even had a special ring tone for him just because I was always so happy when I got to talk to him.

Our first weekend to see each other after starting college. 

Matt and I have been friends since we were kids, but best friends since we graduated high school. Throughout college we would talk often, he would tell me about the girls he was dating, and I would tell him whatever trouble I had gotten into that week. I'd text him funny things, and he would call me darlin' when he knew I needed to be calmed down. He knew everything. He never judged. He never did anything but be a great friend.

But now this day isn't the same anymore. I lost my best guy friend two weeks ago. Receiving the phone call and the week after all feel like a blur of memories. But the memory of my friend feels more vivid than ever. Grief is a funny thing. It brings out a lot of emotions that you don't expect. Sadness, denial, anger ... the things that you cannot plan for in anyway. When they say do what you know, the only thing I know to do right now is write. Write about my friend who I love and miss.

Matt. One of the best guys I've ever known.

I'm lucky that I got to see Matt a month ago when we both went home for Easter. We talked about how life gets complicated with work, school, relationships and how we didn't expect that growing up would be this hard sometimes. He took me to get ice cream and I told him all my silly stories that he would laugh at, look at me with his bright green eyes, and tell me that it would all be okay. Being with him always felt like home.

Looking back, Matt never said anything bad about anyone, was always there to help someone when they needed it, and treated everyone with respect. Thinking about him today is hard, it makes me tear up with sadness, but also tear up with gratefulness that I was able to be apart of his life for such a long time. My friend may be gone, but his life will carry on through his family and friends. This won't be my only post about him, just the first one. There are so many stories I have of us stealing orange safety cones, to us dancing all night at our friends wedding and taking ridiculous pictures.

Matt. My friend whom I will always love and forever miss, but never forget.

Sundays will just never be the same.

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Labels: 2013 , Arkansas , Dear Matt , Life