The Tales of Dating: Broccoli Guy

The Tales of Dating: Broccoli Guy

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For seven years I had a serious on-again-off-again boyfriend that I first starting dating when I was in high school. We would be together for three months, off for four, back and forth and back and forth. 

That should have been our first clue. Red flag. Stop sign. But that’s a different story...

While we were broken up the summer I was 19, I dated a guy I would like to refer to as Broccoli Guy. He was actually a nice guy and seemingly normal. We were working together at the same department store and when my longtime ex and I broke up he asked if I wanted to go out.

Sure. For one, I thought he was cute and nice and secondly, I can get back at my ex. I was really mature back then.

Broccoli Guy and I went on a couple of dates. Movies. Lunch. Dinner. Hung out with work friends. Frat parties. He even sent me flowers once at work which completely freaked me out.

One night my roommate and I were cooking spaghetti and making brownies so I called Broccoli guy and said, “We are cooking tonight, don’t eat supper, and come over around 6:30 p.m.”

Sounds a bit bossy now, but oh well.

So, he comes over and we are almost done with the fixins. I was trying to be nice because I invited him over and offered to fix him a plate.

He said, “No. I’ve already eaten.”

Huh? I called him at least two hours before so he wouldn’t eat.

“I ate steamed broccoli before I came over,” he said.

“So, you don’t want spaghetti?” I asked with confusion because I couldn’t imagine wanting to eat broccoli over spaghetti. I love spaghetti. It’s one of my favorite foods.

“No,” he said with a very stern voice that made me want to apologize for not cooking steamed cauliflower.

“Well, alrighty. You can still have brownies! We even have ice cream because my roommates boyfriend likes ice cream.”
 (I said ‘alrighty’ when I don’t know what else to say in life and I don’t care for ice cream.)

“No,” he said again.

Really? He’s told me no twice. This isn’t going to work. I like to cook. And if you are a picky eater then this is just not going to work. I didn’t tell him that though at the time. I just thought that.

So, me, my roommate and her boyfriend all sat and ate spaghetti then ate brownies while he just sat there and drank water.



The meal may be simple but remember, I was 19 and in college. We considered it gourmet.

I have good memories of Broccoli Guy but the one that stands out is the fact that he ate a lot of broccoli.

It didn’t work out between us, obviously. He called me and asked, “Where is this going?” It freaked me out and I said, “Well, why does it have to go anywhere besides where it is at?”

There was my sign. He went out with another girl that next weekend when I was home sick. There was my other sign. We stayed friends for a while but I don’t know where he is now.

Wherever he is, I hope he’s decided to eat something besides broccoli.
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